With every germ of truth, her heart breaks a little more…

8 Nov

I’ve had a very difficult conversation with my 5 year old daughter tonight. She has always known about her birth family- everything I tell her is the truth but it is age appropriate. She summarised all that she knows so far and then asked me a very difficult question about them.

I have always vowed to be honest with her – after all it is her story not mine. So. I was truthful with my answer. And I think I broke her heart a little :-(

Adoption is a really, really amazing thing! I’m so lucky. But with it comes the knowledge that your child has had a heartbreaking start. You can’t take that away from them and each time they learn something new about life before their forever family, their heart will get broken a little bit more.

For some children the hurt and abuse is so much that they won’t ever really recover or will find it difficult to form any kind of trusting relationship. Going to the park or to the shops might be too much for them to cope with. Being told off in public will reinforce their deep seated feelings of rejection and they will withdraw or behave so badly that any ‘normal’ form of discipline just doesn’t touch them.

But it’s these children who need forever families more than ever. Sadly the longer they have to wait the more ‘unadoptable’ they become. If you or anyone you know is thinking of adoption (or fostering) I’d urge you to look into it.

Hopefully this link will work. It’s a really good intro to the basics you have to face re adoption.

http://www.adoptionuk.org/sites/default/files/documents/LetsLearnTogetherNIMarch2013.pdf

Thanks for taking the time to read

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2 Responses to “With every germ of truth, her heart breaks a little more…”

  1. Wendy November 8, 2013 at 9:10 am #

    I could nnot refrain from commenting. Perffectly written!

  2. frogotter January 24, 2014 at 12:21 am #

    Of course, like you, we have always been open with our children about their last. But, of course, as they get older they understand more and we tell them more details.
    It’s one of the hardest things; when I tell them something that they lived through but don’t remember, it feels as though I’m making it happen.
    But, it is their story and it is a part of who they are. At least their story ends with them here, with me. For that I will always be grateful.

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